In This Legacy
by KillerxXxQueen
Summary: Half-sequel to Just for Show; learn how Hikaru feels about these affairs...I recommend reading Just for Show first, but it really isn't necessary.
1. The Act

They love our act.

They laugh, they smile, they cry…

But they don't understand.

The relationship we have is much more complicated than anyone makes it seem.

Even I have trouble understanding it now.

* * *

It was late. 

Or rather, early.

I don't know why I was awake, but Kaoru was tossing beside me, having a nightmare or something. I almost woke him up, but he started making odd noises.

"..ru…Hik…aru…"

I sat up, ready to assure him that I was fine and beside him when I saw his face…

Flushed and excited.

_'What the hell…? Is he having a…about me?' _

I tried to think…

What to do…

This kind of situation had never come up before, for obvious reasons.

His eyes flashed open, mouth slightly agape to allow a small whimper as he sat up.

I rolled over again, but turned my head back to look at him.

"Kaoru?" I whispered. "Are you okay?"

"I'm—" he paused to clear his throat, but we both heard the strained quality of his voice. "I'm fine, Hikaru. It was nothing. Just go back to sleep."

"Did you have a nightmare?" I propped myself up on my elbow to took him in the eye, but he flipped to look away from me.

"Just go back to sleep!"

Did he really think that would put me off?

I put my hand on his shoulder.

"You can tell me about it. You were fidgeting. You kicked me," I lied, trying to get _anything_ out of him.

"I don't want to talk about it!" he yelled, pulling away from me. "Please…I can't…Hikaru, I…"

"Forget it." I wasn't _hurt_, but I was upset. I just wanted to help him—and me—understand what was going on.

I shifted to lie on my other side, trying to get comfortable and get back to sleep, but I couldn't stop wondering about that _dream…_

_'Was it really _me_, or was something else going on? What could have…'_

The alarm went off as I was dozing, and I shot straight up. We looked at each other, and I shrugged.

_'Somehow, he looked upset,'_ I thought as I walked towards the bathroom. When I reached the door, I turned and apologized for God knows what.

"Kaoru…I'm sorry."

"No, I am. I shouldn't have dreamed that…I mean…I'll tell you about it when I can. It's still…"

His face was red again.

I frowned, unhappy with his secrets and lies.

But I put a more pleasant face on and said, "Kaoru, you don't make sense sometimes." He smiled sadly and I felt my expression soften.

Why couldn't Kaoru just make things _simpler_ for once?

I showered and dressed, and Kaoru did the same. In the car, Kaoru was quiet, so I didn't speak either, waiting for him to be comfortable again.

He was only a few steps behind me as we walked to class, polluting the atmosphere with melancholy. I could only smile as I locked eyes with Haruhi and hurried over to join her.

"Hey," I grinned, awkwardly slowing to walk beside her. Kaoru barely caught up with us.

The three of us started in on a conversation of whatever was on our minds…of course, saying "three" would be implying that Kaoru did more than stand there shuffling his feet and mumbling half-sentences, barely contributing at all. His odd behavior continued for the entire day.

He had no opinion or feeling, and it was really bothering me. Haruhi must have noticed, as she was throwing him questions sporadically, none of which he seemed to care about.

Class let out a bit early that day, not that Kaoru would notice, as off in his own world as he was. Haruhi and I stood by his desk, trying to coax him into speaking.

After a while, he said, "I'm feeling kinda' tired. I think I'll go sit in the main courtyard for a while. Come find me if you need anything," and slowly made his way out of the classroom.

I stared after him stupidly for almost an entire minute before turning to Haruhi.

"Sorry, but—"

"Go," she interrupted, giving me a little push. "He needs you."

With a grateful smile, I ran after my brother, glad that he hadn't made it very far. I was already panting by the time I reached the staircase.

"Kaoru!" I called out, starting down the steps, already reaching for him.

"Hikaru? What is it?" he asked with a slightly strained voice as I caught up to him. He regarded my outstretched hand oddly, and I let it fall down, snatching his hand on the way.

"Kaoru, what's going on? Why won't you talk to me?!"

He didn't drop my firmly-established eye-contact, but he looked vaguely uncomfortable, frozen and unwilling.

"Kaoru, _talk_ dammit!"

_'Anything to let me know you're all right!'_ I tried to convey with my eyes.

"Hikaru…I can't Not now…not in front of them…"

I frowned, glancing around to see the girls already beginning their gossip, staring unabashedly at our public spectacle.

Disgusting.

Instead of shouting for them to mind their own business, I pulled my brother back up the stairs, around the corner, and into the bathroom, bending down to check the stalls to make sure we were indeed alone before returning to Hikaru.

I waited a few moments before prompting him with a sharp, "Well?"

"Hikaru…please…" He pulled his hand back, looking miserable. "I…"

I couldn't understand. Nothing between us had changed. Nothing had happened except…

"Kaoru, what was in that dream? It was only a dream!" I near-shouted, getting even more worried and upset.

Surely not…

Kaoru wouldn't dream that about…

"It was…you," he whispered, eyes darting up to my face before looking away again. I could only imagine the expression I had, but it must have been impressive, if Kaoru's reaction was any judge. "You were…"

I was fully prepared to laugh about it, to ignore it and treat it like a joke, but then…

"You left me…You went with Haruhi. I was all alone." He _lied_ to me.

"Kaoru…"

I pulled his face to my chest so he couldn't see the anger, disapproval, and assumptions on my face.

"You know you'd always be there with me," I said, adding for the sake of guilt, "I love you, Kaoru."

"Hikaru…" he murmured. His breath was warm against my chest even through my shirt. For some reason, it made me very uncomfortable.

"Come on, we'd better go to the club now, or else milord will be furious," I admonished.

Kaoru added in a dark mutter, "Or at least Kyouya will." I smiled inwardly both at the words and at the way Kaoru's hand slipped back into mine.

We fit so perfectly together in this way, keeping a brisk walk to the third music room.

Kyouya greeted us with a glare and a curt, "Get busy," before returning to his own girls.

We had a fair number of requests, sitting with approximately three to five at a time, so the time spent wasn't particularly taxing or annoying.

No, what upset me was Kaoru's inching away from me when he thought I wasn't paying attention.

It _hurt_.

Why was he being so _difficult_?

I thought we were doomed, at least when Kaoru turned bright red, breath coming a bit quicker than normal. His lower lip was caught between his teeth, an unconscious habit that only happened when Kaoru was concentrating on something, or…

"Can we sit with you?" Haruhi asked, de-railing my train of thought. I looked up at her, but it wasn't my approval she was asking for; she was gazing directly at my flustered brother, who nodded emphatically, making room between the two of us for her to slip a chair in as her guests joined ours.

"Oh, Haruhi's here!" one of the prominent girls exclaimed unnecessarily, prompting all kinds of giggles and whispers.

I managed a discreet glance of apology and gratitude to the 'natural', who brushed the hair out of her face, winking conspiratorially to me from behind her hand.

Kaoru, however, couldn't be bothered to look at me, retreating into his own gloom, lip clenched between pearly-whites.

I don't remember what I said, but I was too worried about Kaoru to pay much attention to anything else.

Kaoru, if not concentrating, only bit his lip when he was in pain, but how I recalled this, I'm still not sure.

_Something_ had to be done about him…

"Haruhi, what's your house like?" a girl asked, dark eyes scrutinizing and shallow.

"Nothing compared to yours, Sachiko-hime," she answered with a smile. Haruhi always seemed to glow when she smiled, almost the same way that Kaoru lit up when he was happy.

I chuckled and added something irrelevant, glancing again over at Kaoru who was watching the table with distant eyes.

I was just relieved when the club was over for the day and I could collect my brother to take him home.

"Kaoru…" I roused him gently, unwilling to startle him.

"Mm?" came the throaty hum in response.

"Time to leave."

He blinked, eyes taking in my face apparently without his conscious consent. "Okay."

He stepped quickly, keeping a few steps ahead of me at all times. I sighed, shifting my bag to my other hand.

It was going to be a long ride home.

* * *

It was late, and Kaoru was asleep. 

I took advantage of this to call Haruhi, who usually studied well into the night.

_"This is Haruhi. Who's this?"_

"Hello? Yeah, it's Hikaru. Listen," I began before she could interrupt, getting straight to the point. "I was wondering…do you think Kaoru's been acting odd lately?"

_"…Well, yes, but I thought you could fix it without me."_

"Yeah, me too." I sighed, switching the phone to my other ear. "He said he had a nightmare last night, and he won't really talk to me about it. I mean, he did say something about it, but I think—" _know _ "—he was lying, because he's been acting so…he said that in his dream I left him all alone to be with…someone else, but then he's been avoiding me all day. It really doesn't add up to me…"

_"Just give him some time. I mean, it might be really bad, Hikaru." _Haruhi advised at the same time Kaoru rolled over, groaning slightly in his sleep. _"Is he there now?"_

"He's sleeping now. He might wake up if I keep talking," I said in a low voice.

_"Try to let him talk to you. Be really gentle about it, because he can be really sensitive."_

I bristled slightly, wondering at her nerve of assuming she knew my brother like I knew him.

"Yeah, I know. I can try, but—"

_"You're his brother, aren't you?"_

"Well, yes but—"

_"Then don't worry so much about it."_ I heard her smile through the phone. _"He'll definitely come to you about it eventually. Things'll work out. Why not ask him to go somewhere this weekend? Like the mall?"_

"…okay. I'll try. I don't think he'd really go for something like that, though." I tried not to sound too cold, but I was tired of her thinking she could understand everything about _my_ Kaoru. "Goodnight, Haruhi. Sorry to bother you."

_"Not at all. 'Bye."_

I dropped the phone into its cradle, frowning and pulling off my shirt. I gently lowered myself to the bed, trying not to wake Kaoru, when—

"Hikaru?" he mumbled, blinking at me pathetically. I felt a bit guilty for waking him, but managed a small smile.

"Shh, Kaoru," I soothed, climbing fully in bed. "Just go back to sleep." He slid closer to me, hands reaching for mine.

"What if I have a nightmare again?" he asked in a voice similar to the one he used when we hosted. I laughed at how juvenile he was behaving, following his act, gently kissing his fingers. His skin flared against mine.

"I'll be here. Don't worry."

He lined our bodies together, drifting slowly into what I hoped was a good, dreamless sleep.

I didn't think I could take any more of his "nightmares"…

* * *

Maybe it was the phone call still on my mind. 

Maybe it was because I'd fallen asleep tangled in Kaoru.

Maybe it was just my hormones.

All I could feel in the morning was the wood between my legs, Kaoru in my arms, and vivid fantasies I could have never thought of playing on endless repeat in my head.

The alarm was going off, and Kaoru's still-slumbering weight anchored me and my shame to the bed.

"Oh…god…" was all I could manage to say in some desperate attempt to relieve the situation. I tried to remove my body from Kaoru's, but he squeezed me tightly to him, mumbling half-articulate requests.

"K-Kaoru, we're gonna' be l-late," I managed, not even close to normal tone in my voice.

"Eh?" He slackened his hold and I escaped, hurrying to the bathroom as he yawned through some sort of apology.

"Hikaru?" I froze in the door, looking back at him. I felt the agony on my face and couldn't do anything to hide it. "Is something wrong?"

"Not…now…Kaoru…" I grunted, slamming into the bathroom, and sinking to the floor. It certainly felt like I would never return to my normal color, red as I was then. My entire body felt so hot and heavy. The reasonable thing to do was obvious.

I staggered to my feet, waddling over to the shower and turning on the cold water.

I was determined not to have to remedy the situation myself, especially so early in the morning.

I hissed as the water hit my skin, clothes abandoned beside the toilet. I almost shouted as I fully entered the frigid hell.

I wanted to escape into the wetness, but I couldn't risk catching a cold and switched to a warm shower as soon as my problem was…_better._

_'__It was just a slightly long shower.__'_ I reasoned, toweling off my hair as I reentered the room, dressed and ready for the day.

To my astonishment, Kaoru was still lazing on the bed, apparently deep in thought, stirring only at my presence.

"Aren't you gonna' shower?"

"Just tired this morning," he replied with an ambiguous shrug. I hated when he did things like that.

It made him seem too distant.

Uncaring.

"You went to bed early, though. Are you sure you're okay?"

I was only concerned.

I only wanted to help.

"I'm fine," he sniffed frostily, rising to dress. "What about you? Did _you_ have a nightmare?"

He knew…I could tell from the frown on his face and the ice in his eyes.

He was upset.

"I…don't want to talk about it," I muttered, unable to meet with the ice head-on.

His hands on my shoulders jolted my attention back to his face.

"Hikaru, what happened?" Icy, not concerned. "What did you dream about?"

I couldn't think of any good lie, and if he already knew anyway, what was the point of stooping to his _lying_ level?

"I…well…sorta'…had a…sex dream about…Haruhi…" I was gazing at the floor, so I couldn't prepare for his arms coming around me. My head was forced into his chest, arms half-trying to embrace him back. I stopped when I heard his heart, loud and fast in his body.

"There, was that so hard?"

He thought he understood _everything_, didn't he.

He didn't understand anything.

It had always been "Kaoru, Kaoru, Kaoru."

He had always been the special one. He'd never been second to anyone. He was the good son. I was just the "other twin". It really hurt that everyone could mistake me with him…

…he really _was_ everything I thought perfect was.

I was so happy when Haruhi could tell us apart.

I shoved Kaoru away from me, feeling my nose start to pinch with pent-up emotion; too many to list or define.

"NO!" I shouted. "Don't you understand? I…I _love_ her! I want her—need her—in so many ways! She won't even…she only cares about…" I couldn't finish the sentence.

_'Tamaki. The idiot lord. She only wants _him_.'_

I felt Kaoru's body collide with mine again as my vision clouded and blurred.

I was crying.

_Me!_

All because…

"She'll never love me. She only cares about _that_ guy."

He shivered, and I realized he was only half-dressed, having abandoned his shirt to console me.

He said about as much.

I released him at his timid protests, swiping at my face in vain; no doubt my eyes were red and swollen beyond recovery.

He quickly got ready and looked at me concernedly.

I grabbed my bag, already embarrassed to be so childish about the matter, and took off out the door. Kaoru followed at a distance.

We were in the car, already halfway to school before he said anything.

"Hikaru?" he murmured, eyes nothing like they were before.

"Kaoru," was my terse response before I returned to staring out the window, trying to burn the images out of my brain.

"Hikaru, please…"

I whirled around, anger and irritance plain on my face until I saw the shining surface of his eyes.

I took his hand in mine, identical skin making me feel as if I was merely holding my own numbed hand.

But somehow, Kaoru could always manage to melt away the filthy feelings inside of me, making me want to be a better, more honest person.

"Kaoru…I can't explain it. It feels like…like I'm breaking…"

His empty fingers reached for my cheek as his warmth appeared at my side.

"I know, Hikaru. I know."

It really felt like he did.

His eyes were too much for me, though. I forced my head down to his shoulder before I did something I would definitely regret. I dropped his hand, pulling his body fully against mine. His hands rest on my back, his head resting on top of mine.

I really did love Kaoru, but it wasn't supposed to be this way for us.

* * *

After school, I again sat in the car, waiting for Kaoru this time. 

We had caused such a scene being dismissed for the day by Kyouya. We _had_ been performing awfully, in his defense.

"Sorry I'm late," Kaoru said, slamming the door behind him, making me jump.

"Kaoru, have you been crying?" I asked, looking at the swollen red beneath his eyes.

"No! I mean, I just bumped into a corner. It hurt," he lied lamely and defensively.

"Who made you cry?"

Full big-brother-mode activate.

Ass-kicking time…maybe.

"Hikaru, really, it was nothing. Just me being stupid." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Let's go home."

"We already are, stupid."

He laughed at me, and I flushed, noticing the scenery rolling by at increasing speed.

"Shut up or I'll never leave you alone about this."

He shut up, still smiling a little.

_'At least he'll be okay.'_

* * *

When we got home, Kaoru went to take his shower. I sat down on the bed and pulled off my tie as the door opened slowly. A maid entered, holding out the phone-tray. 

I frowned at it, answering, "Hello? This is Hikaru."

_"Hikaru? It's Haruhi."_ I froze, fingers numbing as my brain flashed through images it had taken all day to suppress.

_"Listen, I talked to Kaoru today. He told me everything."_

"…Oh?"

She laughed through the phone, the noise making me jump a little.

_"Hikaru, if you liked me, why didn't you say anything?"_ She paused as she waited for me to catch some unknowable hint in her words.

_"Hikaru, I like you too. I really thought that you'd be better about this kind of thing."_

"Sorry to disappoint you," I murmured, trying to grasp what she had said.

_"So…are we dating now or something?"_

"I…don't know…Do you want to?"

_"Why do you think I called?"_

The world suddenly looked a lot brighter.

Even Kaoru's tears could be forgotten for the bit of glory and joy that a single phone call had brought me.

* * *

**Wow! The long-awaited other side! Or maybe I'm the only one who thinks so...**

Anyways, enjoy. JfS is coming to an end, and this story is just kicking off.

Don't think I've stopped writing JfS, it's still in the agenda. I'll try to finish it before the next chapter here.

Au revoir, mes amis. Je t'adore!

* * *


	2. The Aftermath

It happened so fast…

We couldn't "date", in case anyone saw us, but we could be together.

A hidden kiss, a secret glance…

Before I knew it, I was in love with this girl.

Haruhi had always been some unattainable dream—sparkling and distant as the stars—so I couldn't have expected anything like this from her.

I…I did feel bad about leaving Kaoru all alone, but I was completely absorbed in my newest prospect for happiness.

On the occasions when Haruhi would come home with us, he would become a statue…no, a robot, operating on auto-pilot. After some time, he would always leave the room, "doing his homework" or "reading a book". I knew he was only sulking.

He would have to grow up.

Our isolated world couldn't have lasted forever…

It was on the afternoons that I didn't go home with him that I experienced a feeling between worry and dread in my gut.

I didn't really understand this feeling until one bright and sunny day at the Host Club.

The music room was abuzz with idle conversation and the occasional squeals of glee.

I could hardly concentrate on anything but Haruhi's joyful, carefree face.

She would periodically shoot me annoyed or confused looks, most of them urging me to return to my own business. I could hear Kaoru keeping up the conversation and I _wanted_ to tune into the words, but only my name caught my attention when it came up.

Kyouya's looming presence brought me back to the task at hand.

He muttered something to Kaoru and stalked off to terrorize someone else.

"What were we saying?" I asked Kaoru tiredly. As he looked at me, I could see how pale his skin was…how bags lingered under his eyes…

I caught the hint of a scratch peeking out from the cuff of his shirt as he replaced his teacup.

"Nothing particularly," he commented blandly.

'_Was his voice always so flat? Is it so weird to hear his voice? How long has it been since I've…'_

"You haven't been drinking your tea! And I went through so much trouble to get it how you like it…It's cold now…"he said with a sad sigh.

'_It's bait,'_ I realized, taking it to confirm my suspicions.

"Oh, Kaoru…" I murmured, taking his face in my hands, frowning instantly at the prominence of his jaw and cheeks. "You know how much it means to me." I froze, seeing tears well up in his eyes. "Please…don't cry…I'll drink it, okay? Please, don't cry…"

He felt so cold to my touch, and I said as much.

"Are you okay?" I asked, keeping my tone in the one I usually used for these acts, but pouring emotion over them with the gaze I tried to use to tell him that I still cared about him.

"I'm fine, as long as I have you with me…"

It was a stab, the implicated, _'But you're leaving, right?'_

"Kaoru…"

"Hikaru!"

He jumped into me, and I cradled his lessened form to my body, stroking his back softly. The girls were thrilled, if by my return from the nonresponsive lethargy I'd exited, or from the nature of the activity.

"Oh, Hikaru! You're so sweet!" one of the half-American girls gushed, hands over her heart.

I had finally awoken, holding Kaoru—now draped over my lap—and the girls were more than ready to discuss fashion accessories coming on the line in the fall.

I could easily keep up with their talk with my trained aesthetic sense and recently-roused interest at my disposal.

"Hikaru?" came the weak murmur from under my chin, interrupting me before I made a statement.

"Yes, Kaoru," I said immediately. The girls stopped talking as well, all of us intent on Kaoru.

He almost said something before—

"Hikaru? Kaoru? Can we join you?" Haruhi inquired brightly, three more 'princesses' trailing behind her.

Kaoru abandoned my lap as Haruhi and I fetched the necessary accommodations for our larger party.

When we had settled, her hand found mine beneath the table, probably looking suspicious, but I didn't care.

Everything was going smoothly until Kaoru began hacking and spluttering into his tea, managing to excuse himself to calm down.

'_My graceful Kaoru…?'_

I exchanged a look with Haruhi, and she nodded, standing to leave.

"No, Haruhi-san; please, allow me," one of our gests said, a traditionally pretty girl with short black hair and concern on her face.

Not even three minutes passed before she burst back into the room, becoming hysterical.

"Kaoru-san…he's in…the hall…He…fainted!"

I jumped up, looking to Kyouya, who gave a sigh and affirmative nod.

I took off down the hall as he began dismissing our guests and getting together our 'family'.

I found him—my Kaoru—with his back against a wall, skin sickly.

He hadn't washed his hair in at least two days.

How could I not have noticed how ill he looked?

I crouched down in front of him, breath hitching in my throat as I tried to control my panic and sorrow as I cursed myself internally with every filthy name I could give myself.

Kyouya came up behind me not even a moment later.

"There's a car waiting. We need to get him to the hospital."

I nodded, gathering u p my brother's shrunken body in my arms.

He was so light…

"Do you want help?" Mori asked in his deep voice.

"No! I've got him!" I shouted back, refusing to loosen my grip on Kaoru's broken body.

I held him close to me until I had to hand him over to the doctors; after that, Haruhi and I crept out of the others' view to embrace tightly.

"It's my fault," I whispered fervently.

"Hikaru, no it's not! That's ridiculous!"

"No! It was me! If I had paid attention to him…I think he's been hurting himself…Haruhi, what do I do?"

She was flabbergasted, consoling me the best that she could while the doctors bustled back and forth in the halls, too busy treating the physical ills to notice us, the psychologically damaged.

"I need to see Kyouya-senpai," I told her, leaving her alone. "Wait a bit before going back. We weren't just here…"

I got back to the waiting room, joining Tamaki, Mori, and Hunny.

"Where's Kyouya-senpai?"

"Mom went to check with the doctors about your brother," 'Dad' said forlornly. "Where is my daughter?"

I just shrugged, joining my other senpais.

"Hi-chan? Are you okay?" Hunny asked from Mori's shoulder.

I shrugged again, sitting down.

Mori's hand fell to my shoulder, and he offered me a rare smile.

I let my head fall into my hands.

"Is Kyouya-senpai back yet?"

"I'll go find him!" Hunny smiled, darting off like a squirrel to fetch our absent member.

He was back within five minutes.

"How is he?" I kept my voice quiet.

"Dehydration and malnutrition, as well as lack of sleep, and…well, the list goes on. But his _arms…_"

I knew it.

"Will he be okay?"

Kyouya blinked, looking down at me.

"He should be waking up any second. You can go in and visit him now, if you'd like."

I was off before he'd finished his sentence, passing the rest of the club on the way.

Soon, we were all beside Kaoru's bed, all of us staring at the thin scrapes and gashes around his exposed IV needle.

"Kaoru? We're here now. You can wake up now! Kaoru?! Kaoru?!" I cried, leaning down to get closer to him.

As if by some miracle, he lifted his head at my call and sat up, blinking and trying to shield his eyes.

"Kaoru!" I snatched him up in my arms, feeling him stiffen as I fully relaxed, almost crying from the relief.

I pulled away to let everyone else celebrate too. I didn't much notice their happy greetings and idle talk.

"Where am I?" he asked Kyouya, obviously confused and unhappy.

"My family's hospital. You passed out from dehydration. Just what have you been doing lately?"

His face was pale, and I wanted Kyouya to stop bullying him the way he was. I kept my eyes away from the IV in his arm, but I couldn't help but stare at his wrist…

"Nothing really."

He flinched as he realized that he was exposed, and tried to hide the evidence of his won abuse, but Kyouya forced him to stop, catching his wrist

As if it mattered; we could all see the semi-healed cuts and bruises there. There was a drawn out silence before Kyouya spoke again.

"I need to speak to Kaoru alone," he ordered, a frightening glare pointed at my brother.

Hunny, Tamaki, Mori, Haruhi, and I all made our way out with a last look over.

Kaoru met mine with wide, vacant eyes.

I pulled the door shut behind me, sighing into the crowded hall.

"Don't worry. Mom won't be too hard on him," Tamaki said with a winning smile.

"That's not why I'm worried," I answered in a mumble. Haruhi shifted slightly so that our sides brushed against each other's. "I want Kaoru back."

Kyouya stepped into the hall with purpose.

"Hikaru, Haruhi; in _now_," the dark-haired senpai commanded, radiating superiority.

"Someone start explaining!" he bellowed as we entered and door shut.

"…Well," Haruhi began, only to trail off and look at the floor, obviously following some leap of Kyouya-logic that I couldn't grasp.

"Hikaru! Haruhi! There have been rumors flying around that you are dating. Are they true?"

"Yes, Kyouya-senpai," I answered.

He started going on about trivial matters that didn't truly concern my situation before rounding on my brother again.

"Kaoru? Did you know about this?"

"…Yes," he responded in a weak and miserable voice.

"And did you try to stop it?"

'_Leave him alone!'_ I mentally shouted at Kyouya, but could only physically clench my fists against him, concentration on the flecked floor tiles.

"I…I sort of got it going.

"What happened to your arms?"

Curiosity brought my head up.

"…I…" His face was inflamed…_ashamed._

"Yes?"

"I don't know," he lied, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Is that so…?" the condescending bastard sneered. "Well, for today, just get some sleep. I'll figure out how to pull this off tomorrow. Kaoru…do you feel well enough to go home?"

Kaoru looked at me, flushed, and looked down to his hands.

"No." I felt betrayed. "I don't think I can go home yet. I don't even think I could go to school tomorrow." He was eating his lip again, probably without even realizing.

"All right then. Hikaru, Haruhi, let's let him sleep for now."

"But…"

_No._

"Kyouya-senpai…"

_Don't leave him…don't make me leave him again…_

"**He. Needs. To. Recover."**

I wanted to punch him, but I couldn't argue, scrunching my fingers into my palms.

"Kaoru?" Milord poked his head into the room. "You have another visitor."

It was the girl from the club. She hadn't ridden with us to get to the hospital, but apparently had the status to access the private rooms.

I was furious.

"How come she can stay but we can't?!" I demanded, following him out the door. "That's _bullshit_!"

He turned to me, ice daggers cutting through my anger.

"How do you think he got so bad, _Hikaru_?" he spat, disgust on his face. "He's your _brother_, and you ignore him because of something better that you've got going in your life?"

The others were surprised and confused.

"Shut up, you stuck-up prick! Don't be such a damned know-it-all!" My hand grabbed his collar, and his, mine.

"You selfish, petulant _child!_"

"Quiet!" Haruhi shouted, derailing us. "You're in a hospital!"

"…Well, we should go now. Kyouya, tell _them—_" I indicated to the others in the hall, "—whatever you want. Haruhi, I'll give you a ride home."

We walked out side by side, and I took her hand in mine as soon as we were out of their sight.

"Hikaru, you shouldn't be so rude to Kyouya-senpai. He's only doing what he thinks is best."

I squeezed her fingers, pulling her into the waning sunlight.

"…Hikaru?"

Our car had been parked, and the chauffer pulled around to where we stood.

"Hikaru, what are you—?"

I cut her off by yanking her into me, burying my face in the padded shoulder of her uniform. People stared as she awkwardly patted my back.

The car door opened, but I didn't move.

"It's late," Haruhi murmured, her hands resting on my back.

"Okay…Okay, get in."

I freed her, allowing her to fulfill my command, and followed her into the limo, slamming the door behind me.

"…Are you that worried?" she asked after the vehicle lurched forward.

I folded my hands together and hung my head

"It's always been the two of us."

The impact of that was fresh as I said the words outside of my mind.

"I've…neglected him. How could I…?"

I felt like crying. Only Kaoru could make me feel like this.

"I'm _awful._"

"Don't you think you're being a little hard on yourself? I mean, he could have done something about it himself if he was feeling bad. Did _he _try to talk to _you_?"

"No! It wasn't his fault!" I shouted. "He didn't do anything wrong!"

"It wasn't your fault either. Hikaru, he's getting help now; you shouldn't feel guilty; I mean, it could have been anything that set him off."

"What else could have?" I mumbled to my knees. "He needed me and I wasn't there for him. He's not the kind of person to ask for help, especially if it might have bothered me…or _us_." She looked uncomfortable. "I can't blame anyone but me," I continued, trying to alleviate whatever pressure I'd put on her. "I've known him…forever. I should've noticed how…_upset_ he was. I just thought he was sulking."

I felt myself fall into the self-pity that I loathed, despite myself.

We sat in silence until we pulled up to her house.

She moved as if to get out, but I caught her by the arm.

"Can…Can I stay with you tonight?"

Haruhi turned incredibly red, staring at me with wide eyes.

"Not like that! It's just…" I sputtered, embarrassed at my lack of tact. "I usually sleep with Kaoru right next to me, so…"

"Hikaru…I don't' think that…I mean, we…"

"No, forget it. I didn't think. Sorry."

She got out, pausing to look back at me.

"What?" I asked quietly.

She surprised me with a quick kiss.

"Call me if you can't sleep."

I promised, sitting properly as the door slammed shut.

Instead of lapsing back into my thoughts and worries about Kaoru, I wondered absently what Kyouya had told the others about Haruhi and me.

Was he nice about it?

How would milord react?

I curled my lip at the thought of Tamaki, along with all of the insecurities—that I hadn't clung to—as they came flooding back.

'_Can Haruhi still pick him over me?'_

Once safely in my—our—bedroom, I brooded more intensely until I couldn't take it anymore.

I didn't want to call Haruhi, lest she learn of my continuous doubt of her conviction.

Instead, I curled up under the sheets, clutching Kaoru's pillow to my chest, and I emptied myself of the tears I'd been gathering throughout the day.

I spent the entire day watching the clock, tapping my fingers, anxious to return to Kaoru's side.

I spent the day with Haruhi, and—though I cared for her dearly—grew quite sick of her company.

Nothing like that had ever happened in all of my years with Kaoru.

* * *

Kyouya had told the entire club, and milord was basically heartbroken—which didn't stop him from flirting shamelessly with every girl that set foot in the third music room.

I was even seated with Haruhi during the activities, though she did most of the entertaining.

My attention was shot, and I could only talk about Kaoru.

So when I was finally back at his side, I was ecstatic.

I kissed the top of his head warmly as the others greeted him normally.

It was just the Host Club—and that _girl_—visiting.

Kaoru's eyes were filled with something near pain as Kyouya spoke to him about business, and I was getting anxious again.

"Are you all right?" I asked quietly. He sat up and slid over, patting the now-vacant spot beside him: an invitation.

I happily accepted.

"Could be better. Tamaki-senpai? How've you been holding up."

I twitched at the mention of him from Kaoru's lips.

'_What about _me_?!' _I thought viciously. I kept up a blank façade, turning to milord, waiting for his response.

"Oh, _dreadful_, my dear Kaoru! And why not? My darling daughter has forsaken her father's blessing and run off with my wretched ingrate of a son—ah, no offense, Hikaru—and neither of them seem to care about the effects that this incestuous relationship will have on my precious family!" Tamaki ranted, taking up the entire room with absurd gestures. Kyouya was smirking at me from where he stood by the wall and Haruhi began arguing very loudly with Tamaki on both of our behalf.

"Come off it, Tamaki-senpai! No one really cares about anything you have to say, so just be quiet!"

"Oh…Haruhi…" he sobbed, flinging himself into a corner and launching into a half-heard, half-understood soliloquy.

Kaoru's weight had somehow come to rest on me, our hands united between us. I knew from his breathing that he must have been fake-sleeping.

I jumped at the opportunity to be alone with Kaoru again.

"Great, milord. You've managed to bore him to death," I said, getting his attention and gesturing towards my brother.

"No…no way!" he cried, kneeling beside the bed. "Kaoru? Kaoru my son? You're not dead, right?"

He pressed further into me, and I released his hand to wrap my arm around him, securing him to me.

"Milord, shut it." I ignored his puppy eyes. "Everyone, out. Kaoru needs sleep."

They left, if slowly, and not without some grumbling. Suki shot me the _most_ endearing look. Haruhi hesitated at the door.

"You too, Haruhi. I need to take care of him. He's…" I hesitated myself, not sure what to say while Kaoru could still hear me, "…not right. Not like Kaoru."

But she smiled at me.

"I understand, Hikaru. I'll call you later."

"I don't know…I might not be available."

Who to offend…?

"I need to talk to Kaoru, when he wakes up. I don't know why, but I think us being together is hurting him…"

Not _exactly_ a lie.

I just needed her gone.

Why did she look so upset?

"Oh…okay then." And she was gone.

I sighed, but pulled Kaoru much closer, lining us up under the bed sheets, and I held him to me much like I'd clutched at his feather-filled substitute the night before.

"Why do you do this to yourself, Kaoru? Why didn't I notice?" I trailed off, trying to figure out what I was trying to say, without saying something I would regret.

"I couldn't see…"

'_I couldn't see, but it's so clear now.'_

"Kaoru…"

'_I want to hold you like this forever.'_

"I…"

'_I can't let you go.'_

I couldn't say any of those things.

"We're twins…always together, always the same…but I didn't notice that you were hurt." I bowed my head. "I'm sorry, Kaoru. I fail as your older brother."

I expected him to be silent, or to rebuke me. Instead, he murmured, "You're fine, Hikaru. I'm the one who's…who's broken," into the fabric of my shirt.

"No," I denied, shaking my head. "No, I won't believe it, Kaoru. You aren't broken, right? If I turn to look at you, you'll be smiling like always, right?"

'_Because the only hell I can imagine is one where you won't smile…'_

He struggled a bit against my grip, and I went a bit slack, allowing him to complete his desired task—flipping off the lights—before squishing him to me again. His grip matched mine and his face was close.

"Hikaru?" he whispered. "I don't want to lose you."

I blinked away tears that formed from the pain in his voice and we squeezed each other tighter so that our foreheads touched.

"What? Lose _this_?"

"Aren't you uncomfortable, Hikaru?" he asked, probably referring to my uniform that I still wore.

I smiled wryly, saying, "It's nothing compared with being away from you for so long."

"I'm being serious!"

I blinked at the anger in his voice.

"So am I."

"Stop _playing_ with me!" I couldn't keep up with him.

"…What do you mean?"

"Holding me like this, saying those _things_ to me…"

'_Being the way we pretend to be in the Host Club,'_ I realized he was saying.

'_Does he hate it so much?'_ I wondered sadly.

"Kaoru, you're not making any sense. We always do this."

"Please, Hikaru. Please be serious with me. I…" He was breaking. "I…"

'_No…It's not that he "hates" it…But could he really…'_

I decided to test it, peeling myself from him and becoming "comfortable", removing my clothes.

"Hikaru…"

I pulled him back into a loose embrace, clad only in my boxers, and stared into his desolate, scared face.

'"_Serious" was it?'_

"Just for tonight," I told him a disguised version of my voice. "I'll be serious with you, just for tonight."

I hesitated at the last second.

'_Can I really do this to Kaoru? What if he hates me for this?'_

But I had to know. I met Kaoru's lips between us. He was confused at first, but gradually began to respond as I pulled a passionate kiss out of him. His hand wound into my hair, growing harsher in its caress as out kiss careened into deeper territory. My tongue was deep in his mouth, kneading his hungrily before I forced myself to stop.

With Kaoru, one night held more exploration and physical expression than my entire relationship with Haruhi.

"Hikaru?" he called, licking the corner of his mouth and removing his hand.

"Kaoru…do you love me?" I had to ask, cruel as it was.

He was caught off-guard.

"What? I…I mean, of course. But…"

"So, you had that dream about me?"

"Ye-what? What dream?" I had cornered him, and he was beginning to panic.

"Kaoru," I pressed, finally divulging the truth. "I was awake. I heard you."

His face turned from shock to complete and utter misery.

"Why?" he whispered in agony, tears beginning to form. I still couldn't keep up with his train of thought.

"Why what?" Some of it became clearer as his expression shifted to subtle anger and disbelief. But…

'_Can he feel that…for _me_?!'_

"Kaoru, I still love Haruhi, but…I won't leave you so alone anymore. I guess…" There was no good way to put how I felt into words. "I just wanted all of us to be together."

'_With your smile…'_

I wanted to get through this discussion, but Kaoru flipped over, leaving me to stare stupidly at the back of his head.

I sighed again, feeling let down and upset for reasons I couldn't explain.

I rolled out of bed and dressed.

And I could have sworn I heard my twin crying as I left his room.


	3. The Offense

Kaoru wouldn't speak to me after that.

I gave him his space; let him breathe.

I told Haruhi to do the same.

"He's just having some issues with our new life," I explained to her unhappy face. "Just give it some more time."

He was relocated at the Host Club to his own table, and Kyouya had me host with Haruhi. While I did miss some of Kaoru's frequenters, Haruhi's girls were incredibly open and cheerful as well.

It was just…

…Painful.

I missed Kaoru deeply.

"How far have you two gotten?" one of the bold ones asked archly.

"Nothing incredibly intimate yet," Haruhi smiled, squeezing my hand under the table.

"What does Hikaru kiss like?"

"Well, he wasn't very good at it in the beginning, but he's getting better," my diminutive love teased.

"Now wait a second!" I objected playfully. "Are you implying that you were any better?"

"Maybe." Humor glinted in her eyes.

"Fine then. If _that's_ how it is, I'm going to visit Kaoru," I sniffed, giving her a significant look. She nodded, and I rose and walked over to my brother's table. He was entertaining three girls and speaking with—

'—_Kyouya? What could they…?'_

One of the girls—the one from the hospital—said something, to which Kaoru sighed. Their words became clearer as I approached the group.

"…my brother, to Kyouya-senpai especially, has been a major pain in the—"

I interrupted him, "My, my…Do you really think so poorly of me, Kaoru?"

His eyes lit up as his head jerked around to meet my patronizing smirk. I was warned of his desire to leap to me by the look in his dulled eyes and warded off his attack with a tiny but definite head shake, one that probably no one else could see. His arm looped around his body instead. He gave a condescending frown.

"You put a terrible burden on Kyouya-senpai's shoulders without any prior warning," he lectured with half-hearted severity.

"But brother, you can't stop true love," I teased back.

As if only there for me to prove my point, Haruhi drifted past with a concerned, "Hikaru?"

My grin deepened and I pulled the girl into a loving kiss. I only cared about Kaoru's reaction: a stiffening of the muscles around his eyes as he looked away from me.

Kyouya caught my attention and said, "Hikaru, I'm going to ask you to refrain from those sorts of acts in public. You're making a complete fool of yourself."

He was still jotting down something as Haruhi and I returned to our guests who had been conversing avidly about one of their favorite topics: Haruhi's home life.

I sighed, sitting down and half-addressing the complete nonsense they could come up with before glancing back to Kaoru.

I worried about his lack of…Kaoru-ness.

But when I found him, he was leaving, being trailed by that Suki girl. I ground my teeth through my smile and wrenched my focus, with effort, back to my girls.

'_How _dare _that bitch intrude?!'_

Instead of going home with Haruhi, or even bringing her with me, I went straight home, to where Kaoru should have been, but he wasn't there.

All of a sudden, Kaoru didn't need me.

I was completely dumbfounded the first couple of weeks. I kept waiting for him to be sitting on our bed, waiting for me with his devious grin, ready to let us go back to normal…

Back to Us.

He routinely disappointed me.

"Kaoru doesn't want my company anymore," I would whine to Haruhi, to which she would reply, "Just hive him some time and space and it'll all go back to normal."

How could space help him? How could he get better from that space that drove him to self-mutilation so quickly? Could he really be helped by something so cold?

That was the first real fight I had with Haruhi. It was resolved nearly instantly with ashamed apologies and a curt dismissal of the topic.

But the fighting seemed to build up over time. At first, it was the major issues we had with the relationship I didn't like how cold and blunt she was a t times, and she grew tired of my immaturity and rudeness.

It soon didn't matter what we fought about; it could be anything we had even the slightest disinclination to: the way Haruhi blew the bangs out of her face instead of using her fingers, or the way I flirted "excessively" with other girls.

It was all due to some growing tension and frustration that neither of us could seem to name or resolve. I gave the opinion that we were just too accustomed to the other and that we should tone down our relationship, at least until it felt more comfortable.

But that, of course, lasted only about two days before I had to taste her again.

I was merely losing the foolish battle with my hormones; the tricky bastards always seemed to flare out of control when I was exposed in any amount to that amazing—if a bit dim when it came to _those _affairs—girl.

In fact, we had only begun to "get along" again when Kaoru introduced us to a familiar face.

Yes, it was _that_ girl.

I felt my face harden as Kaoru explained Haruhi's secret. Even though Haruhi didn't mind, I couldn't help but hate the way he was such an obvious Outsider into our world.

I hated how he could smile with that girl and look more like _my_ Kaoru than he had in months.

I just _hated_ how much I irritated Haruhi with the commotion I made over that girl.

"Hikaru, why does it bother you so much that Kaoru's happy?" she demanded about a week later as I was still going on about it. It should have been just another pleasant drive home, but, "If he's found someone that makes him happy, shouldn't you be happy for him?!"

"It's not _right_, Haruhi!" I shot back. "She's not supposed to have him!"

"So he's _yours?_" the girl scoffed. Her arms crossed tightly across her chest. "I suppose I'm _yours_ too, right? Because, you know Hikaru, people just _adore_ being treated like objects. We're just toys to you, aren't we?!"

"I didn't say that! If it were anyone…_anyone_ but her!"

"I thought Suki was quite charming."

"Me too. I just don't want her anywhere near my brother."

I refused to back down on this matter. Suki was a good-looking, well-mannered girl. She was polite and innocent, nearly the perfect representation of a fine Japanese lady; but picturing her next to Kaoru made my blood boil.

She was making me lose him.

Weeks passed, and I grew closer with Haruhi, disputes receding as quickly as they came.

Kaoru was changing, and I blamed that girl.

She was pushing me out of Kaoru's heart, and I couldn't do anything about it, because Kaoru was happy.

I wondered at times if he felt the same sort of thing towards Haruhi—that inexplicable, overpowering _hatred_ that I had.

Those kinds of thoughts caused me to push away from true intimacy with her.

Things really exploded one day.

Of course, I thought it was just another ordinary day. Haruhi, though…

"I can't believe you! It's been three months today! Even _Tamaki-senpai_ said something! But no, you're just more of an asshole than usual today! Honestly," she frowned, arms crossing in their dangerous way, "I think you should just leave today if you're gonna' be like this. You're so immature!"

I sucked my teeth, storming out of her tiny apartment, whipping out my cell phone to call one of our cars. I wondered absently if Kaoru would be home.

The car arrived and I got in. I wouldn't apologize, and neither would she.

"I hope it storms tonight," I muttered darkly to no one. Kaoru would have chastised me for my childish hostility.

'_Kaoru,'_ I thought hungrily. _'Kaoru, would you care about something as ridiculous as a "quarter-year anniversary"?'_

If he was home, I promised myself that I would talk to him about it.

I didn't actually expect him to be home.

"Hikaru! You're home…really early…" he greeted me, rising as I stormed into the room. "I thought you were at Haruhi's. Did…Did something happen?"

"It's unbelievable!" I shouted as I crossed the room. I managed to kick our bed with enough force to stub my toe.. "She said I forgot our quarter-year anniversary!"

He didn't seem to know how to react.

"_Did_ you?" he asked in a small voice. I was almost upset with him for acknowledging the stupid occasion.

"I didn't know such a thing existed," I sighed, anger simmering. I flopped to the bed and waited for him to say something.

I waited for a long time, staring at the ground, wondering why I couldn't read Kaoru anymore.

"I missed you," I offered to break the silence that was almost uncomfortable.

"What?"

It wasn't a real question—he was only surprised at either the sound of my voice after the extended silence, or the nature of my words—but I treated it as a question.

"I've missed spending time with you," I explained needlessly, looking up to view his confused, shocked expression. "We're always off doing…well, _girlfriend_ things,—" I grimaced around the word, "—and we haven't really had time to chill, like we used to."

He still didn't understand, so I held out a hand for him, gesturing for him to join me.

He didn't even think about it, obeying nicely.

I couldn't help but wonder how far he'd let me go before making me stop.

'_How obedient will you be for me, Kaoru?'_

I brought us down, pulling him close to me. Our bodies were drawn together almost magnetically.

"What're you—," he began, but I silenced him with, "Shh…Kaoru. It's okay. Just for right now, okay?" Itried for a moment to remember what he'd called it…

"I'll be _Serious_ with you again."

"But…why?" he asked. No struggle. No rebellion. I grinned dangerously into his face.

"I told you—I missed you."

It wasn't fast at all. I began very gently, working us up so hazardously. I had no intention of losing self-control, but…

Kaoru shifted his head, brushing our noses together delicately…something that Haruhi always did when she was getting bored with kissing. It made me flash back to our argument, and I couldn't' help it.

I dug my nails into Kaoru's neck, right at the top of his shoulders, his jawbone locked in my teeth. I pounded his chest. I raked my fingernails across his back, drawing blood.

I tormented Kaoru, hurt him. It was almost tragic, the sight of his flushed excited face, rich with desire and pain, in the few moments I could see him when I retreated to draw breath.

His cheeks were red with feeling and wet with hurt, eyes firmly shut and leaking despite his efforts to remain stoic.

I let Kaoru open his eyes, waiting in agony for me to act.

I slid my hands over his chest carefully, kissing his lips less harshly than I had been, then turning my attention lower.

The sounds my Kaoru tried not to make were precious and heartbreaking. His arms were clenched together, nails biting into his own elbows, in an effort to end those pitiful noises.

He was so adorable.

Soon, the affair was over, and I wiped my hands on the bed-sheets. I watched Kaoru's body convulse as his body tried to adjust to the feelings trying to take him over.

His body glistened with sweat, as I'm sure mine did as well. I rolled off of the bed, turning back to my brother.

"Kaoru?" I called softly. He opened his eyes, arms finally slackening and returning to his sides.

He looked so precious, blinking up at me, waiting for instruction.

My obedient Kaoru.

"We need to get clean now," I told him, and I offered him my hand. He tried to focus his eyes on it for a moment before accepting it, following me meekly to the bathroom.

I stood him up inside the shower as I cleaned up the mess of our clothes and fetched nightclothes for the both of us. Only then did I join him under the running water.

I enjoyed the feel of hot water over my sweaty body for a moment before turning to my twin, who was…

…Snuffling and wiping his face?

"Kaoru? What's wrong?" I thought about it for a bit before having something click: he was regretting his obedience. "Don't be ashamed, Kaoru. It's okay." I pulled him into my arms, out of the flow of the water.

At least he held me back, face in my neck.

"I love you, Kaoru," I assured him.

"I love you too," he murmured, tickling my neck.

"I'm sorry I did that."

And I was. I really didn't mean to get so carried away. I had only intended to tease him a bit, but…

"You're crying because you think you betrayed your girlfriend, aren't you?"

I released him, searching for the shampoo.

"Well, don't worry about it. Like I said, it was only for tonight."

I turned him around, watching him slouch as I washed his hair. He seemed to crumple under my hands.

"Kaoru? Kaoru, what's wrong with you?!"

Without warning, he whirled around, grabbing my shoulders and forcing our lips together again. I almost kissed him back before waking up, pushing him away.

"Kaoru, what is it?" I half-demanded, trying not to sound accusatory or upset after what _I _had just done.

"Hikaru…please…" Kaoru seemed so hurt, so deeply shaken, that I couldn't move. "…Don't ask me to say anything."

I'll admit, I was disturbed and greatly confused by this Kaoru, but I managed to get us both washed and back in bed.

Kaoru didn't speak or even meet my eyes all night, but he did hold my hand under the sheets.


	4. The Advice

I couldn't bring myself to face Kaoru the next day, or the next week. He had cried throughout the night, keeping me awake and making the guilt unbearable.

As days passed, I felt Kaoru slipping away; I would stay around Haruhi, and he would run off with his Suki.

"Hikaru, I don't know what's been going on, but maybe you should talk to Kaoru," Haruhi said at the beginning of one dreary, gray morning. "Look: Suki's not here today. Kaoru will go home after the club, so you should just go with him and talk things out."

"Haruhi, I don't think that's a good idea," I sighed, rubbing my neck. "I don't think that he'd want to talk to me; I've been really...bad to him recently."

"He'll forgive you," the girl urged. "He's your brother. He _loves _you, Hikaru."

"Love…" I sighed again, flopping down to my desk. "If he really does, then it's just that much worse."

The day dragged on.

Kaoru was definitely avoiding me, remaining in the classroom as little as possible.

His eyes were constantly down.

Haruhi snapped at me when I brought it up during lunch.

"He's still upset with me."

"Hikaru, maybe he's just giving you space. You're not always the victim, y'know."

"Haruhi, that's not what this is about!" I huffed, a glare not quite coming to my eyes. "Keep this up and I won't drive you home. And I hear it's gonna' rain."

"You're such a _child!_ Could you be any pettier?"

Instead of shouting at her, I controlled my temper and apologized, hands tensing around my kneecaps under the table.

Back in class, I resolved to stare at Kaoru until he looked at me. I could tell he felt the intensity of my gaze, but he never bothered to look up from his notes. When the bell rang, he fled without a backward glance.

I turned my gaze to Haruhi, and she sighed, packing her bag.

In the Host Club, there was absolutely not opportunity to approach Kaoru to tell him to return home, but I brushed it off, under the assumption that he would go straight home without Suki to distract him.

I left later than he did, having long since acquired a separate car with which to drop Haruhi off at her house every day, which I did.

I stood stupidly in Kaoru's and my empty room, wondering what could possibly have kept him for so long.

I definitely arrived much later than required for Kaoru's driver to have dropped my brother off, but he wasn't there.

I searched through our given rooms, our favorite hiding places, and even through our parents' wing—nearly empty so late in the day.

I questioned the staff, only to come up empty-handed.

No one knew where Kaoru was.

I started calling around, first calling Kaoru's mobile (and swearing colorfully when I found it on the other side of our room), then Hunny, and then Kyouya.

They had no idea.

Finally, I resigned myself to calling Tamaki.

'_Bonjour? Hello? This is Tamaki.'_

"Milord! Is Kaoru there? He's not home yet, and I don't' know where he is."

'_He went home with Mom today. Didn't he tell you?'_

"Kyouya-senpai? But…" I trailed off, thinking it over. "All right. Thanks."

I hung up and frowned.

Someone was lying to me. I had no reason to distrust Tamaki or Kyouya, but one of them had Kaoru there, admittedly, it was probably Kyouya.

I would just have to wait for Kaoru to get home before doing something stupid.

Of course…

I grew impatient quickly, pacing around the entire wing until my calf cramped up and I had to sit.

I stood again only after hearing that Kaoru had called a car from the Ootori estate.

Even though I knew that Kyouya had been lying, I felt betrayed.

And _why_ would Kaoru take up with the dark lord without telling me about it?

When Kaoru did come to the door, I was at the edge of striking something, fuming with suppressed rage.

I made the decision then—one I would regret always.

I decided to punish Kaoru for this day, and so much of his previous coldness.

"Kaoru, where did you go? No one knew. You had to be with someone; who was it?" I tested him; if he came clean, I could still forget my decision. If not…

"No one, Hikaru. I just wanted to go for a walk," he replied briskly.

A recited answer; a planned lie.

"When were you crying? Your eyes look a little puffy," I continued, eyes narrowing.

"It's just a little cold. The fresh air irritated them. That's all."

_Lies._

He was failing my test.

"Why didn't you tell anyone you were going for a walk? Why wasn't anyone there in case you got into trouble?"

"Because I can take care of myself!" he shouted, making me flinch. I had never had this kind of defiance from Kaoru; why was he so offended? Wasn't he just lying anyway?

"Kaoru…?" I murmured, trying to think of something to say as he looked on in terrified resilience.

"Yes?" he spat tersely.

"Are you…" I couldn't' think of anything. "_Did_ something happen to you?" It was his last chance. All he had to do was cut the crap and admit to running to Kyouya…

For breaking our unspoken vow of secrecy.

"I'm fine."

The time had come.

He would not soon forget what I would do to him.

"Really? Kaoru, you can talk to me, you know. We've always been together." Was I laying on too thick?

"I don't feel like talking to you, Hikaru." I ground my teeth. "I'm fine; there's nothing to talk about."

_Liar._

I smiled through my anger.

"…Then, what would you like to do?" I would have to use _that_ method. If this was the way to get my obedient Kaoru back…

"Actually, I'm feeling kind of tired. Can I go to bed?"

He fell right into my trap, undressing and showing me his bare skin.

"Kaoru, what's going on? I'm confused." I was behind him and I kept my voice normal. He couldn't see the plan forming on my face. I grabbed his shoulder, feeling the scratches I'd left there before. I silently apologized for the future abuse I would deal to that skin. "Are you playing some kind of game?"

"I don't play games," he sniffed, batting the hand away.

I breathed in deeply to control myself and pulled Kaoru around by the arms to face me.

"Kaoru, are you being serious or not? Please, tell me what you want to do tonight."

"Sleep, obviously…" I felt the last of his resolve falling away.

"What do you want to do before that?" I allowed a hint of seduction into my words, delighted by his hesitation.

"…I—" was all I could get out of him before overwhelmed him.

Still holding his arms, I kissed Kaoru, teasing him and beginning the discipline that would break him down into my obedient brother again.

I had to release him to push his pants to the floor, and he used the pause to appeal to the side of me that truly cared for him.

"Hikaru, please," he begged pathetically. I undressed before his eyes, noticing the sheen they had gained from lust and despair.

"I'm very upset, Kaoru. I can't handle being told what to do."

I felt my eyes as they tightened to say, _"I will break you."_

"I…know." He looked down. "I'm sorry, Hikaru."

"That's better."

His apology was too late for me to accept.

I tackled him to the floor, hands and teeth behaving much as they had the last time I had been that way with my brother. He got wind of my motives and scrabbled to get free.

"Don't…struggle…" I warned him through a mouthful of skin.

"Hi…karu…"

I truly dominated him that night. I held him to the floor, forcing my judgment on his weakened, fragile body. By the time he thought it was over, he was biting back gasps and his sobs came as hitched wheezes between breaths.

I led him to the bed, and he immediately relaxed. He almost crawled in, but I tightened my hold on his wrist and sat on the edge of the bed. He froze, horror and anguish creeping across his face.

"Kneel," I told him. He did. "Do it."

He looked at my eyes.

He was unfrozen, and shivering and sniffling.

I almost called it off.

It would have been so easy for me to take back that order, but…

"Come on!"

He did.

Afterwards, when I was sufficiently grounded, I coaxed Kaoru from where he lay miserably on the ground to the bathroom. I cleaned and dried him without a word from either of us. I tucked him into bed with a kiss on his forehead, but he didn't change.

I took my place beside him with regret for how I had behaved that night and those before.

I wanted more than anything just to roll over and watch my twin breathe…

…to know that I hadn't killed my precious Kaoru…

Instead, I forced myself to stare at the wall until I heard the sweetest, most heartbreaking sound; I fell asleep listening to Kaoru's quiet sobbing.

Kaoru didn't go to the Host Club the next day. Instead, I could only watch him avoid me from a distance.

"Haruhi, come on," I called as I watched Kaoru flee. "We're going to get some help."

I hated it, but possibly the only way to get Kaoru back would be through _that_ girl.

"Suki!" I exclaimed, pulling her aside instead of going to the third music room; Haruhi darted inside to explain why I would be missing. "Come on; I need your help."

I spent the entire drive to the manor explaining to her [in a very edited and abridged story] the recent occurrences between Kaoru and me.

"So that's it," she said sadly. "I knew he hadn't been honest with me."

I ground my teeth.

'_Arrogant bitch…'_

We arrived at the estate before Kaoru. I guessed that he hadn't even stopped running to call a car.

'_Does he hate me that much?'_ I wondered nervously.

"You wait for him upstairs. I'm gonna' find one of our servants…most of them are gone."

"What happened?" There she went, butting in.

"Nothing; they're with my parents in Europe," I explained. "Now, go so you can find him."

I spoke with the first maid I could find.

"Yes, Hitachiin-sama?"

"My brother will be home soon. See to anything he needs. Oh, and he's very unhappy, so don't take anything he says to heart."

She bowed herself out, and I trudged wearily into a sitting room near the kitchen. I could wait there for Kaoru to either come find me or Suki to wander in, lost and confused—it could happen; she wasn't too bright.

But it was shouting from the stairs that brought me out to see what was happening.

"Kaoru…what happened to us?" Suki sniveled, standing at the top of the stairs.

"I don't know, Suki. Please, just get out before I call your family," Kaoru returned from below her.

"Why are you doing this, Kaoru?"

I had never seen such a cold, haughty face on my brother.

I hated it.

"Kaoru?" I heard myself call. He looked down, not even trying to find me, before storming off. He brushed past Suki as if she weren't even there.

"Kaoru, wait!"

I chased after him, but he was running again. Suki sank to the marble steps, holding her head as I ignored her, still chasing after my Kaoru.

He dared into a vaguely familiar corridor, into the unclaimed territory of the house; a purely neutral zone.

"Kaoru!" I called, hearing a door shut. I darted to some doors, trying knobs. Some were locked, others definitely empty. "Kaoru, please come out! I want to talk to you!"

I continued searching, trying frantically to reach my twin. He didn't call out or leave the sanctuary of his hiding place, but I could feel his presence. I wanted to smack myself every time I found an empty room or locked door.

'_How could I have been so stupid?'_ I thought with each step.

I couldn't think of an answer by the time I gave up.


End file.
